Paramedic Method Activity

1. Circle the prepositions (of, in, about, for, onto, into)
2. Draw a box around the "is" verb forms
3. Ask, "Where's the action?"
4. Change the "action" into a simple verb
5. Move the doer into the subject (Who's kicking whom?)
6. Eliminate any unnecessary slow wind-ups
7. Eliminate any redundancies.

Sample paragraph:

When a person hears of a major occurrence they are automatically going to form some sort of opinion about its morality or correctness. This was the case when six health professionals were sentenced to death in Libya charged on the basis that they deliberately infected 400 children with HIV. The charge was controversial on the grounds that many of the children were infected some time before the medics were even working at the hospital. While this is where many chose to disagree, the main controversy lies in deciding who the actual victims in the case were. The author of an editorial published in Nature, felt that the main victims in this case were the Libyan public who has to deal with a poor healthcare system, whereas the author of an editorial published in the New York Times felt that the doctors and nurses sentenced to death were the only victims, and were being overlooked.

Libya recently sentenced six health professionals to death for allegedly infecting 400 children with HIV. However, these children contracted the virus before the medics worked at the hospital. Authors disagree about who suffers most. George Stencil focuses on the Libyans who deal with a poor health care system. However, Bob Saget turns our attention back to the doctors who have been sentenced to death.

Sample Data Sheets for Feeder 2.2

Sample 1

Sample 2

February 23: Draft Workshop 2: Organization

1. Based on the CURRENT DRAFT, paraphrase the author’s thesis statement and the topic sentences of each of his/her paragraphs, composing a rough outline of the draft like the ones we composed in class last week.

2. Do the paragraphs follow through on what the author says s/he will do in the first paragraph? Is there anything s/he said would be written about that isn’t? Are there any sections of the paper that aren’t mentioned (or at least accounted for) in the introduction?

3. Examine the paragraph topic sentences for coherence. For each topic sentence, ask yourself, “how is this idea relate to the main thesis?” and, “how does this idea relate to the ideas presented just before and after?” Note anything that seems amiss and give suggestions for improvement.

4. Examine the paragraph topic sentences for unnecessary repetition. Do the same key words or phrases appear in multiple topic sentences? If so, where could combining paragraphs or sentences help make the essay’s structure clearer? (Remember: one paragraph, one idea.)

February 23: Intro Workshop

1. Did the writer’s interesting fact interest you? Why? Did you know it already? Will your blog’s audience know it? Will they find it interesting?

2. Compare the author’s original introduction with the revised introduction (you may need to play back the wave to see the original). Which one grabs your attention more quickly and effectively?

3. Point out any “to be” verbs or prepositional phrases that you notice. Try to re-write those sentences without them.